I’m reading this in my comfortable house in England. And thinking about the incredibly challenging depths of trauma, logistics, finances, illness, fear, anger and desperation (and that’s just me) that I’ve traversed whilst trying to care for my loved one. Is America especially bad? I don’t know. England felt like a cruel theatre of endless catch 22’s at the time. France was a little better but the same patterns showed up there, too. Get a good flat and a decent social worker? Descend immediately into the circle of hell that’s addiction and chaos, with all the attendant cuckooing ‘new friends’ hell bent on exploiting that situation. Then it’s the police and a new agency to deal with. And so it goes on.
Solidarity to you.
As it happened to me, I would try to embrace the way this endless loop of disappointment and fear would change me. I’m a nicer person because of this, I would comfort myself. Yet: I’m also co dependent, trapped, exhausted.
… and I run out of words to use to express my sympathy. But thank you for reflecting what so many of us have to endure.
Hi Sigrid, I’m so sorry you’re also caught in this Kafka-esque cycle. The illness is bad enough. The quagmire of social services that don’t speak to each other, the dearth of resources, the high level of need, the stubborn problems of addiction, bipiolar disorder, delusional behavior, poor choices, utter lack of self-awareness, the cruelty of the streets, and, yes, the evil people who come out to prey upon these weak, afflicted souls… it makes for quite a potent brew. And yes, we need to disentangle ourselves as much as possible, while still figuring out how to be ethical and do our best…!
I am so, so sorry -- I fully relate and understand your pain. The systemic trauma piled on top of the familial trauma, and the lack of answer or pathway to your question "but what if they can't?" Exactly. EXACTLY!
Thank you for sharing this. It is indeed inspirational because you give hope to all those who have similar souls in their lives. I have a 22-year old son with mental illness and an older one who is an alcoholic. AlAnon has taught me how to let the older one find his path, which included almost dying. He has been sober 3 years now and we had to step away, kick him out, etc before it happened.
It is so much harder with our son with mental illness. He is stable now and takes medication to stay that away. But that stability is tenuous and most of the time, it feels like all the choices are awful. You captured that perfectly. Yes, it is ideal for them to manage their mental illness but what if they can’t? Then what?
Hi Anne, yes, you do understand. Thank you for writing and sharing a bit of your story, and for the supportive words. How wonderful that your son found sobriety, and while not perfect, that your second son has made at least some peace with medication protocols to achieve a level of stability. Yes, trying not to be co-dependent… and yet. I see you understand the conundrum!
I’m reading this in my comfortable house in England. And thinking about the incredibly challenging depths of trauma, logistics, finances, illness, fear, anger and desperation (and that’s just me) that I’ve traversed whilst trying to care for my loved one. Is America especially bad? I don’t know. England felt like a cruel theatre of endless catch 22’s at the time. France was a little better but the same patterns showed up there, too. Get a good flat and a decent social worker? Descend immediately into the circle of hell that’s addiction and chaos, with all the attendant cuckooing ‘new friends’ hell bent on exploiting that situation. Then it’s the police and a new agency to deal with. And so it goes on.
Solidarity to you.
As it happened to me, I would try to embrace the way this endless loop of disappointment and fear would change me. I’m a nicer person because of this, I would comfort myself. Yet: I’m also co dependent, trapped, exhausted.
… and I run out of words to use to express my sympathy. But thank you for reflecting what so many of us have to endure.
Hi Sigrid, I’m so sorry you’re also caught in this Kafka-esque cycle. The illness is bad enough. The quagmire of social services that don’t speak to each other, the dearth of resources, the high level of need, the stubborn problems of addiction, bipiolar disorder, delusional behavior, poor choices, utter lack of self-awareness, the cruelty of the streets, and, yes, the evil people who come out to prey upon these weak, afflicted souls… it makes for quite a potent brew. And yes, we need to disentangle ourselves as much as possible, while still figuring out how to be ethical and do our best…!
For my family and my loved one it’s finished now. It was a surprisingly quiet and peaceful end to a difficult life. For that, I’m grateful
Oh wow. Thank you, Sigrid. I honor your effort. I’m happy to hear the end was peaceful. These people are so vulnerable. But, aren’t we all…
I am so, so sorry -- I fully relate and understand your pain. The systemic trauma piled on top of the familial trauma, and the lack of answer or pathway to your question "but what if they can't?" Exactly. EXACTLY!
Thank you, Joy. You are very kind.
Thank you for sharing this. It is indeed inspirational because you give hope to all those who have similar souls in their lives. I have a 22-year old son with mental illness and an older one who is an alcoholic. AlAnon has taught me how to let the older one find his path, which included almost dying. He has been sober 3 years now and we had to step away, kick him out, etc before it happened.
It is so much harder with our son with mental illness. He is stable now and takes medication to stay that away. But that stability is tenuous and most of the time, it feels like all the choices are awful. You captured that perfectly. Yes, it is ideal for them to manage their mental illness but what if they can’t? Then what?
Hi Anne, yes, you do understand. Thank you for writing and sharing a bit of your story, and for the supportive words. How wonderful that your son found sobriety, and while not perfect, that your second son has made at least some peace with medication protocols to achieve a level of stability. Yes, trying not to be co-dependent… and yet. I see you understand the conundrum!